I should really learn to sleep at a decent hour. This whole staying up late business is messing with my well-being; physically, mentally, emotionally, and any other -ally's there are. The night makes me sad and lonely and then I start thinking ridiculous thoughts (no, not suicidal) and it's just like "WTF, where did this come from?!" Being on break gives me a lot of time to think, not always a good thing. I should use this time productively and maybe try to figure out where my life is going and if I like it. So far the conclusion is no. I'm getting so worried about my future/career/major, whatever. What am I going to do?! It's not like there's a dire need for another EMAC/Management major. Maybe my parents are right and I should do something more practical, like accounting or engineering. I mean I go to RPI yet I'm not doing anything technical or sciencey. Maybe I should transfer, it's really tempting but I don't want to leave at the same time. And then there's my personal life. It's getting better, I guess. I've figured some things out, which should be good or even great but it just makes me more sad. I have commitment issues. Though I've been told that I just haven't "found the right guy yet," it's more than that. I just get so...scared? nervous?...when it comes to relationships. I never feel really close to people, or completely open up, which is just crazy because I have great friends that I absolutely love and adore. But I guess it's just the way I'm wired, or how I was brought up and dealt with things in the past. I'm pretty good at hiding. I don't think I could handle having other people try to wrap their head around and deal with all my problems and instability. It's just not something I would wish upon others. It's really a wonder that I haven't had a breakdown yet, well at least not a big one. I can't expect anyone else to like me until I learn to like myself. Another point on my "Why I Suck At Relationships" list. I really think I'm mental. I don't know why I'm saying all this and I know that I should stop writing and sleep, but I can't. I can't wait to get back to school so I don't have to deal with all the craziness at home and my mother's erratic behavior. I'm not sure if I can handle a month of this. Okay I'm legit going to stop rambling and get off the computer before anymore stupidity comes out. Yes, okay, good, awesome. Bye.
Hi, I have problems. Kbye.
you wear your heart on your sleeve
i threw mine to the sky
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHipk64P8SM
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